When the kids get married
I'm gonna spend each day in bed
Chocolates in my pocket
A pillow under head
I'm gonna read just what I please
Even finish War and Peace
I wish they'd marry soon
Agnes, would you hand me
my collected Tolstoy, please?
Ah, thank you.
Now if you'll just excuse me
for a couple of years.
Quite all right, dear.
I have plans of my own.
When the kids get married
I'm gonna teach myself to paint
Nothin' very fancy,
somethin' kinda quaint
I'm gonna paint the way we live,
call it early primitive
I wish they'd marry soon
When the kids get married,
I'm gonna play the saxophone
Practice till I master every golden tone
Then when I've got my sax in hand,
I may form a little band
I wish they'd marry soon
When the kids get married,
I'm gonna try the violin
Something nice and simple,
that's how I'll begin
Then when I finish Clair de Lune,
I'll attack another dude
I wish they'd marry soon
Agnes, here's your fiddle
And Michael, here's your sax
Thank you I've been waiting thirty years for this
When the kids get married,
we're gonna play for one and all.
Maybe give presidials at
Philharmonic Hall.
We're gonna be a double bill,
the oldest team in vaudeville,
if they don't marry soon.
I'm gonna spend a year in bed.
I'm gonna dye my hair bright red.
And I'm gonna learn to shoot some golf.
I'm gonna take my girdle off.
Play the sax.
Claire de Lune, take a second honeymoon,
I wish they'd marry soon.
Oh, Michael.