about the
last time I was in Portland.
The night before we played
at the Long Goodbye.
I was walking on the street
about 10:30 at night.
A lot of people go to bed around here
at 10:30 at night.
And well, I was walking along when
suddenly these jocks in this
bright blue pickup drove up. It had KC lights,
tractor tires,
everything but the CB. It was a life- size Hot
Wheels car for some dumb rich kid,
right. Well,
they drove up to me
and they yelled what dumb rich kids usually yell,
"Hey, faggot,"
and showered me with some
wa ter.
So, I stood there thinking,
what a bunch of fuckheads and picked up a rock.
Now, I waited,
walked down about a block to
where the Kentucky Fried Chicken is,
on Burnside,
and sure enough they drove
around again.
They said, "Hey, faggot,
where's the nearest McDonald's?" I said,
"I don't know" and they
squirted me again.
So I threw the rock and put a nice- size dent
in their giant Hot Wheels car.
They screeched to a halt in the park
ing lot of some department store,
who's name I don't remember,
it's up the street from Fred Meyer,
and they got out their clubs and they ran after me,
yelling,
"We're gonna kill you, you god damn faggot,
we're gonna kill you,
you motherfucker."
So I got in a phone booth by
the Kentucky Fried Chicken on Burnside,
held my legs straight out like this so
they couldn't open the door
to the phone booth. So they began
charging the phone booth,
beating on it with their club,
yelling,
"We're gonna kill you, you motherfucker,
we're gonna kill you,
you god damn fag got." I just
looked at them.
So, there was a crowd gath
ering by this time
and these kids were standing
nearby an d they said,
"Oh, look at him, he's insane." I thought,
ah- hah, here's my way out.
I yelled at them,
"Take me to a mental hospital right away.
I want to be be put away.
Please put me away, c'mon,
call the cops and put me away.
Please put me away now."
They said, "Alright, faggot,
we're calling the police." So they called the police.
The cop comes out and I go, ah, my savior,
I'm away from these jocks.
He opens up the door,
"Get out of there, you,"
throws me up against the car, frisks me,
shoves me in the back.
Then he goes over to the jocks,
"Now what happened here?
It looks like we're going
have to take him to jail
but we got to have the full
story first"
So the jocks, who had an ace in the hole,
ace in the hole
Take down on the bass,
a little bit down on the bass. Yeah,
ace in the hole, and they go, "Well,
goddammit,
the motherfucker put a dent in my truck,
a $5000 truck, right,
so I got my club,
I went out and I wanted to kill him.
I want to kill him. Let me kill him,
goddammit.
Let me kill him."
So the cop made them go home,
and he drove me home,
an d he confiscated their club and my
rock as further evidence.
And I thought, so this is Oregon,
huh? Tolerant Oregon?