Tonalità: Ab major
Verse 1
Gm
Guys are weird.
Like, ever have that friend
that's way too proud
G
of his porn collection?
Gm
I'm all for porn, but hide it.
You don't share it.
G
You put it in the other room in a drawer.
The chain drawer.
You don't put it out on the shelf
next to E .T. and Shrek
and shit like it's a real movie.
My friends act like they produce it, dude.
I got this hot new porn.
Gm
You wanna watch it?
G
Not together, really,
that's kind of weird,
isn't it? I mean, what's that going to do
for our relationship?
I don't understand.
And why are you wearing cologne right
now?
I mean, that bothers me too.
I mean, you knew I was coming over.
What are all these rose petals
about?
Why am I dizzy right now?
I don't like any of this shit.
I don't feel safe.
I mean, I'm all for porn, just
by myself.
You know, like, I like internet porn.
Internet porn, sweet.
Yeah, all right,
yeah, thanks for leaving me alone
on that one, fuckers.
All right, that's great.
Not so much a show as a confession
now, is it?
All right, good, good, good.
I didn't come here to feel worse
about myself,
but you know what, now I do.
All right, that's great.
You know, I like internet porn.
I like internet porn, I mean,
now,
because I got my own computer.
They used to have to go to Kinko's
and as soon as you unzip your pants,
there's a big hassle.
The thing I
don't like about the internet though
is the internet tries to make you
more of a scumbag
than you actually are.
I don't have a fetish
or anything like that.
Naked. Sweet.
The internet will try to pull you in,
you'll be on a regular naked chick site,
they throw these little pop -up ads,
if you like this site,
click here to see a clown fuck a horse.
Where the hell did that come
from?
When did I become the demographic
for that weird shit,
I was just trying to look at naked chicks,
I don't want the cops here tomorrow,
I mean that's too far,
C
how did I go from naked
G
It checks the clown's fucking horses
anyway,
and they're a middle grade,
and yeah, I'm gonna click there,
because it's there, all right?
I mean, there's clown's fucking horses,
I'm not made of stone, all right?
I mean, I wanna see some stuff too.
I'm just wondering why
I'm on the weirdo list
all of a sudden, you know?
A lot of that stuff scares
me, you know?
There's a lot of stuff, you know?
I always feel like I'm the only one
getting the penis enlargement
emails.
a while, you ever get, like,
I mean, one or two is fine,
but then once I get like 700 of them,
like, who are they talking to,
you know, really, I mean.
I just, yeah, the internet is just,
there's just so many weirdos,
it's just, it's always,
it's just another tool for weirdos.
I used to think it was just dudes,
but it's chicks too. Like you get on MySpace and stuff like that,
I mean, it's just, it's creepy, you know.
Hi, I'm Sarah,
I like to experiment. Well, I don't.
I like to do shit I know works,
alright, call me crazy,
but I don't want to throw my back out, Sarah,
so.
Hey, I'm Tiffany,
I'm adventurous in bed,
well, I'm ticklish, alright,
so it's not going to happen.
It's going to be a real short trip, Tiffany.
C
G
It's just, yeah, everybody's, it's just, it's a,
it's just creepville on there, it really is.
D
You know, I can't hang out with the guys
G
anymore though.
They're just idiots. There you are.
They talk about weird shit.
Like you ever, you know,
that conversation with your friends
just to find out how weird everybody is?
That would you do that conversation?
Would you do that?
Would you do that?
Would you do that?
And you find out something you wouldn't do?
Would you do it for a million
dollars?
You wouldn't do it for
a million dollars.
Million dollars you wouldn't go outside naked, oiled
up, singing I'm a little teapot.
for a million fucking dollars,
you wouldn't do it.
You're stuck up.
But with dudes,
it always comes to the same
question.
Would you suck a dick?
Dude,
come here, we're talking.
Would you suck another guy's dick
for a million dollars?
Because I would.
F
I didn't want to know that.
G
We're going camping next
week
and I didn't want
to have to buy an extra tent.
F
G
I'm like, first of all, no, I wouldn't. Yeah,
it's a million dollars,
but at some point,
you're going to have to explain
where you got that cash. know what I mean?
Like, you can't just go from
your studio apartment to a big house,
people are going to have questions.
Man, you're really
doing well for yourself.
Yeah, I'm sucking cock
now, that's how.
Plus I think it's a dumb question anyway,
because let's say this happens.
Let's say some guy,
some weird guy,
has a million dollars to spend on a blowjob.
He could probably do better than me.
I don't have any experience,
I'm gonna cry the whole time.
mean, it's just,
I'd probably do better for 20,
that's all I'm saying.
C
I can't hang out with the guys, I can't.
They just, my friends
C
go to the gym all the time.
They tried taking me there.
I hate that.
Everybody can tell I just started.
I gotta borrow weight from chicks
and shit.
It sucks, you know.
C
Excuse me miss,
G
you done with the pink dumbbells?
I'm cooling down.
F
I just, I'm like, I never understood,
G
why do you have to be that
strong, dude?
Really? I mean, you know,
my friend's bench pressing 475.
Why? He's an accountant.
What the fuck?
Why do you need to be that strong?
If you need to move your couch,
get a friend, all right? It's not that hard.
Like he's getting ready to bench press 475,
ask me to give him a spot.
Like, what am I gonna do?
He'll be like, oh shit, I can't get it.
Well, neither can I,
dickhead.
I don't know why you called me over here in
the first place, really.
I hope it works out.
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