Now,
you want to be a ladies' man,
let me tell you how to do it.
It's a lead pipe cinch,
ain't nothing to it.
Just listen to me while I lay it on thick.
When I get through, man,
you'll have to beat them off with a stick.
I mean, they'll mob you.
Now, first you go in the bathroom
and you take a nice cold shower.
Don't stay in the water too long,
say about three quarters of an hour.
Now plaster your crew cut down good
with some of that greasy kid stuff.
Don't overdo it though,
about half a pint ought to be enough.
I mean to tell you that's slick.
Go over to a used car lot now
and pick out the oldest Model T there.
Don't pay more than five bucks for it.
Be sure some of the tires hold air.
Drive around the block
by her house fifty times or more
Honk your horn real loud
and beat a hammer on the tin door
Noisy man, noisy
When she waves out the
window at you,
you drive off and look the other way
Then go home and call
her on the phone
Pardon me, wrong number, you say
Then you hang up on her
and don't call her back for
five or ten minutes
Don't stay on the phone too long now.
Two or three hours ought to get it.
Party line.
Tell her you're looking in
your date book
and you got two nights open next May.
But say if a cancellation comes through,
you'll let her know right away.
Have her take down your
new phone number
and call you back.
Then you lift the receiver
off the hook a while.
That'll throw her off the track.
Go lock the front door,
cause she'll be coming over
with mud in her eyes.
Make faces at her through the window
and wave bye -bye.
Now you see, fellas?
Now you got her chasing after you.
After all, this is the very thing
we started out to do.
Well, you guys all run along now
and have a good time dating.
Me, I'll just sit home by my
self watching TV.